Summer Storm

This weekend we have had such a delightful change in the weather. Saturday morning I awoke to a wonderful thunder and rain storm and tonight the most amazing lighting storm I've ever seen in my life. I was so thankful Elizabeth called to tell me about it as I would have missed the whole thing without the heads up! I tried to capture it on my digital camera, my cell phone camera and my cell phone video camera, but I got nuthin!!! I'm sooo bummed! I copied this photo of similar clouds from the Internet where someone had it titled "nasty lookin' clouds" - Can you believe it? The cloud cluster here was a little smaller, but still magnificent and so bright and beautiful and there was lots of lighting going on inside of it - it was unbelievable! And - I think it lit the funk I've been in since last Friday right out of me - hallelujah!!! Mind you - this is not the Friday two days ago - it's the one a week ago... a major funk accompanied by a pesty little headache (I rarely get headaches - so this was a double inconvenience) - with no apparent source - just a shift in perception I suppose. You know how every thing's the same - you have all the responsibility and challenges and whatever that you've always had (kids, bills, no money, working full time, being a single parent - ie, no relief or backup - this stupid pain and swelling in my hand (good news is - this go round its only in my hand and its not carpal tunnel, lupus or rheumatoid arthritis - bad new is - it sucks and limits my ability to do normal stuff!!!) and then there's Shawn :) - he's completely on overdrive lately - his impulse control is nil - but on the other hand his Tourette's seems to be pretty well under control - or maybe we're just so used to it we don't even notice anymore? Neither of us can figure it out... It's so hard - I just don't know how to handle it. And then I question - maybe its me??? Anyway - I guess we'll be off to the doctor this week for some pharmaceutical help - which neither of us like as we haven't had too much success with it in the past, but we have new insurance, so it will be a new doctor this time and maybe they'll have some new suggestions. In the meantime I've begged him to try an herbal supplement for 1 week to see if there is any improvement - otherwise one of us will need something to get through this... No wonder people drink :) anyway - so nothing has really changed in life but them bam - all of a sudden you're completely overwhelmed by anything and everything? You do know - right? Anyway - I get like that occasionally for a few days here and there, but this was such an extended amount of time I was getting overly frustrated!!! At Target when I was returning an item the other day - I stepped up to the counter at my turn (there's still at least one person behind me as well) and took my merchandise out of the bag and set it on the counter - meanwhile the clerk steps aside and is casually chatting away with her co-worker and finally turns around and says "oh, do you need help" - so I say OUTLOUD "no, I just thought I'd stand here" Ya - right in front of my kids - they just look at me like you have sooooo lost it lady! And then - my house payment was way over due, so I'm waiting for payday, etc to get enough money to pay it (28 days late - I've rarely paid anything late in my life) I was so excited to finally have the money to pay it I did a check by phone and begrudgingly paid the extra $35 in late fees and the $15 pay by phone fee and that was it - whew - another hurdle cleared - YIPPI! But then - two days later I realize I didn't pay anything else - that's right I completely forgot about the bills that were actually due - not that it would have mattered as I'm out of money, but just the fact that I didn't even realize there were other bills to pay is very disturbing to me - now I have 5 more unpaid bills all with late fees and my head is spinning (like you can't tell) and I'm ready to vomit. My ability to function in public along with my perfect credit score are going down the tubes right along with my sanity! I guess I'll be looking for a weekend job here as soon as season picks up??? Anyway, yesterday I finally thought to pull out an herbal supplement I use for PMS (even though its a week too early for that - that's what I have to look forward to next week - that should push me right over the edge:) - and whether its the weather or the herbs - I'm just thrilled that I'm snapping out of this funk!!!

So I'm sitting here typing and I hear a weird grinding noise behind me and it's the cat - chewing/tugging on the hair of one of my old dolls! Crazy cat!!! And then a few seconds later, she's cuddled up right next to it!!!

We've been cleaning out closets and such, getting ready for the school year, and we came across a few of my old dolls in Sarah's stuff that I'm just not ready to let go of yet...so then when she protested against me telling her she could only keep 5 stuffed animals (not counting Webkins) out of all the dozens that we dug up - how could I argue when she wanted to keep 10 or maybe more? I think I still had some of my stuff animals up to about 5 years ago or so and I'm still having trouble parting with these old warn out dolls. The good news is - is that we still managed to get rid of 2 loads to the Good Will and we have at least 10 big trash bags full of garbage that was stuffed everywhere!!! It didn't seem like there was that much stuff when it was all crammed away. Maybe I'm one of those crazy hoarder people and don't even know it???? Someone call Oprah!